Love, one of the most intense feelings of human, always makes couples feel validated, awakens their souls and ignites a fire in hearts. American psychologist William Glasser (1998) stated that we are all driven and motivated by five basic psychological needs, including survival and love. The need to love and be loved is almost as strong as the need to survive. Perhaps, this eagerness for affection bonds us to fall in love.

 

Speaking of “love”, there are various definitions and interpretations. One widely used psychological conception of love is the Triangular Theory of Love, which was developed by Psychologist Robert Sternberg. Love can be viewed in terms of a triangle that consists of three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. They are indepensable and complementary to each other in a satisfactory relationship (Sternberg, 1986). “Passionate” refers to the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related phenomena in loving relationships; “intimacy” refers to feelings of closeness, connectedness, and boundedness; “commitment” refers to, in short term, the decision that one loves someone else, and in long run, the commitment to maintain the relationship.

 

According to Hatfield (1982), love can also be classified as: passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is emotional, exciting, intense (Myers, 2013). It is defined as “a state of intense longing for union with another” (Hatfield, 1982). If reciprocated, one is associated with fulfillment and ecstacy; if not, one would encounter emptiness, anxiety, or despair (Hatfield & Walster, 1978). When time passes by, passionate love may eventually simmer down. The longer a relationship endures, the fewer unstable emotions may occur (Berscheid, Snyder & Omoto, 1989). An enduring close relationship would be settled as companionate love, which combines deep affectionate attachment, intimacy, and commitment (Myers, 2013). However, the simmering down of passion does not equal to the termination of love, but it could be viewed that passionate love ameliorates to an “upgrade” version, companionate love.

 

In romantic relationship, we may struggle with whether to love or not to be loved by someone, query about how to love and whether we should love. Indeed, every love story is unque that we can never generalize or formularize it. The aforementioned definitions and theories are just the theorized side of love. It is better for us to experience it in order to learn more about love.

 

 

 

References

Bercheid, E., Snyder, M., & Omoto, A. (1989). Issues in studying close relationships: Conceptualizing and measuring                         closeness. Review of personality and social psychology, 10, 63-91.

 

Glasser, W. (2010). Choice theory: A new psychology of personal freedom. New York: Harper Collins.

 

Hatfield, E. (1982). Passionate love, companionate love, and intimacy. In Intimacy, 267-292.

 

Hatfield, E., & Walster, G. W. (1978). A new look at love. Lantham, MA: University Press of America.

 

Sternberg, R. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119-135.