(Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlWNijsUdbQ)

 

The Chinese saying “more than friends and not yet than lovers” points out that the line distinguishing friends and lovers of opposite sex is blurred and hard to define. I personally have a female friend who is known as a “player”, but when being asked about it, she refers those “boyfriends” as her close friends or even “brothers-for-ever”. However, while she classified her relationships as pure friendship, do her “boyfriends” share the same thought? Interestingly, according to Abbey (1982), males have a higher tendency to misinterpret friendly behaviour from the opposite sex as hints of admiration or even as sexual cues.

 

The Psychosocial Development Theory mentioned that people in early adulthood (20-39 years old) go through a critical period which one will have stronger desire to build up intimate relationships (E. Erikson & J. Erikson, 1997). People at this stage are more driven to look for someone who is caring and is willing to go through the ups and downs with them. Thus, an ordinary friend may still be viewed as a potential romantic partner; both parties may have deviant thoughts regarding their friend of the opposite sex that exceeds the bounds of friendship, hence changing the dynamics of their relationship.

 

“It is not easy to have a friend with whom I have never held hands but in whose company I can still experience the taste of sweetness within.” This quote from a Chinese song shows us how closely friendships with the opposite sex can be related to one’s romantic desires, and why, looking from the outside, one might often mistakes two close opposite-sex friends as something more. According to the Ideal Mate Theory under Evolutionary Psychology, attraction between males and females arises mostly because they find in their friend the qualities that they look for in an ideal mate. These may include personality traits, family background or age (Linquist & Levy, 2010). One's coincidental discovery of these long-appreciated qualities while interacting with a friend means that the slightest spark between the two can add an irreversible factor to their relationship, thereby changing their attitudes towards it and its purely platonic nature.

 

That being said, we should not make the distinction based on sex alone when making friends. Putting aside social pressure, opposite sex friendship should definitely be supported. Like romantic relationships, every friendship has its unique qualities and there is no absolute rule to define right or wrong. Friendship can neither be summarised by scientific theories, nor represented by mathematical equations. Wouldn't it be sad if you became overly aware of how others perceive your relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, and end up losing such a good friend?

 

 

 

References

BAbbey, A. (1982). Sex differences in attributions for friendly behavior: Do males misperceivefemales’friendliness. Journal

          of Personality and Social Psychology, 42(5), 830-838.

 

Erikson, E., & Erikson, J. (1997). The life cycle completed. New York: W.W. Norton.

 

Linquist, S. P., & Levy, N. (2010). Evolutionary psychology. Farnham, Surrey: Ashgate.